The Five Love Languages

Asian Alliance for Mental Health
2 min readFeb 20, 2023

by Anna Chang, UW Sophomore

Most couples strive to achieve a sense of balance and mutual understanding in their relationships. During the process, couples learn different aspects about each other and work towards forming meaningful and healthy living. Here I want to introduce a new way for couples to learn about each other to enhance healthy communication and happy relationships.

In 1995, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “Five Love Languages” that helped break down certain behaviors within all types of relationships when it came to communication across the globe. As the number suggests, there are five categories for Dr. Gary Chapman’s love languages: gift giving, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service. Gift giving is when individuals “tend to express and feel love through the giving of gifts” (Chapman, 2009) where the thought of choosing a gift only for the individual weighs just as heavily as the type of gift given. Quality time is “giving undivided attention” (Chapman, 2009) to both parties, where they make eye contact and talk about anything and everything to connect on a more intimate level. Physical touch is when both parties touch each other through hugging, handshaking, or even a head pat as it tends to strengthen “social and behavioral development” (Chapman, 2009). Words of affirmation is “communication that is encouraging, affirmative, active, and appreciative” (Chapman, 2009), where it can be either written or verbal. Acts of service is “doing helpful, thoughtful deeds” (Chapman, 2009) where the individual feels appreciated due to the selfless act.

When it comes to all the love languages, some people can have just one, two, or more; some people may even have a primary and secondary love language while still enveloping everything else. Whatever language individuals feel that makes them feel loved is how they can communicate to the other person in the relationship to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible and each person is understood a bit more. Chapman contends that it is the ideal marital atmosphere in which the couple will move around previous differences or discretion and which they trust their spouses beyond their flaws. Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical contact are the five primary love languages needed in a relationship. Furthermore, by speaking these tongues, their passion can be fulfilled indefinitely. In comparison, if one does not communicate in the love language, their tank will gradually empty, and we will no longer feel cherished.

Meeting such desires of one’s partner, on the other hand, is a decision. Ultimately, to achieve this, the couple must first learn the language of love and then make a conscious effort to love one another every day, leaving the charity packed.

Source: Chapman, G. (2009). The five love languages: How to show commitment to your spouse. Moody Publishers

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Asian Alliance for Mental Health

We aim to de-stigmatize mental health through open dialogue and multimedia storytelling to bring visibility to mental health issues within Asian communities.